Interview #5: How to Move On From Burnout, With Elizabeth Couch Naughton

If you are someone who has struggled with burnout (or identifies as a fellow neurotic overachiever!) you will love the words of Elizabeth Couch Naughton. She is the founder of “Coached by Couch,” her career coaching service for high-performing people struggling with burnout and needing more meaning and alignment in their careers. As a Johns Hopkins grad and a two-time sales-leader by her mid-twenties, Elizabeth can relate first-hand to the problems she consults on, which is what makes her so sharp in her insights. Her career tips on LinkedIn immediately caught my eye when I first saw them, since she shares nuanced takes on jobs that we never see anywhere else (including the hot take that simply quitting a stressful role won’t cure your burnout!).

Today, Elizabeth discusses her own journey of dealing with burnout, some fresh takes on the way we think about work, and practical advice for anyone who may be struggling with finding the right work for them. 

Let’s start with your backstory. It sounds like it was a long journey to dealing with burnout — what do you think fueled it? 

So I grew up in New York City on the Upper East Side and then went off to Johns Hopkins (Elizabeth went to the high school Gossip Girl was based on!). So right off the bat, you kind of get a sense of the intense type of environments that I'm used to. 

When I was in college, I decided that I wanted to get a Ph.D and become a therapist. I was like, that feels safe and sturdy, and makes sense for me. But then right before I graduated, I totally panicked and was like, I can't be in school for another five years. So I pivoted. I moved home and actually started working for my mom, who owns a PR agency.

It was something where I was good at it — it’s in my blood, I guess — but the actual subject matter of what I was doing was just not for me.

But instead taking time to kind of pause and figure what I actually wanted, I just kind of kept going full steam ahead and applied to a million different jobs. And that's how I ended up in B2B (business to business) sales. 

It was literally at a four person tech company, just us sitting in a room together. It was so fun and so exciting. And in sales, which it sounds like you’re familiar with — 

Oh yeah. I smile (I’ve worked in sales and sales-adjacent roles the majority of my career). 

There’s something really exhilarating about it. Right? Like, when you, have that rush of, someone is booking a meeting on your calendar, or actually closing a deal. And plus, I climbed up the ladder quite quickly by nature of the fact that, first, I'm someone who just works her butt off, but also I was at a smaller company. There weren’t any clear advancement tracks, so I just put my hat into the ring as the opportunity arose. 

So when I was quite young, I was 24, I moved into the director of sales role, and I had, like, ten or twelve people under me. And I think what happened is that rush and excitement of the actual sales piece turned into this all consuming pressure. As in, oh, my God, I have to manage all these people. Now I'm responsible for the entire team's sales number. 

I was relentless. I was like, I am going to full-scale this team and make it as good as it possibly can be. That coincided with COVID, so I had nothing else to do besides work. And they were paying me more money than I know what to do with for my age.

But it was coming to the point where I wasn't sleeping, I was eating a ton, I was drinking a ton. I was complaining nonstop to my now-husband about how exhausted I was. I was always on the phone with my boss. I could not disconnect. My boundaries were horrible. All of that was all a mess, and I just couldn't see a way out. I thought, the only option for me is to quit. 

Interesting. It doesn’t sound like you actually hated what you were doing prior to quitting, then. 

No, I don't think I did. I think I was also just, frankly, way in over my head. Like, I'm the first person to just confidently show up as who I am. But when I look back on that, I was very under-qualified for what I was doing. 

I reached out to people, I found mentors. I did everything possible, and I made it work. The team ended up doing great. But I couldn't figure out how to turn off. 

It wasn’t until probably over a year later that I really got the perspective on, what parts of that position were not right for me? But in the moment, all I could see was black. Like, I gotta get out of here or I'm gonna flip out. 

That’s different than the traditional notion of “I’m burnt out because I’m unhappy in this job.” 

You can be burnt out from being unhappy in your job, but I think there's more to it. Burnout looks different for everybody. It's like a very intensely personal experience that is unique from person to person. 

I think one of the more common reasons that it isn’t talked about as often is that people are doing work that isn't aligned with them. It’s misaligned in some way, meaning, they're doing work that they're good at, but they don't actually enjoy doing it. Or maybe you're working for a company whose values you don't agree with.

And most people think the solution to burnout is to just quit the stressful job. But I saw something interesting you posted once, which is that quitting doesn’t necessarily solve your problems if you're not clear about what the actual problem is. 

Totally. I mean, it didn't fix my burnout at all when I panic-quit. I think I probably sat on the couch for three weeks after, just staring at the wall, staring at my TV, thinking, what do I do? 

I got a lot of help to get me out of burnout. I worked with a coach, I have a therapist. I did all these different things to put myself back together. And frankly, like, even once I figured out what I wanted to do afterwards, that would give me the type of life I wanted and kind of career that I wanted, I still had another job for almost three years.

You know, it feels so hard to find the right career. One that doesn't burn you out, and one that you enjoy. Almost everyone I know who is honest about their experiences and is happy now in their career has gone through an arduous path to get there. I feel like most people are either unhappy or in their jobs, or just burnt out or something. I’m curious, how do you see the world, though, with regards to happiness in careers? 

Yeah, I totally. I agree. I think it takes a lot of willingness to do the work and reflect on all of the pieces that go into a career that you are excited about. So that's number one. Which, by the way, it's not easy, but it's so rewarding when you know yourself in that way and create a framework for what you're looking for your next thing. Which is inevitable, because that's just how jobs work these days. 

But yeah, I do think it's hard, especially because high-achievers have so much fear and self-doubt that gets in the way of them even considering what's possible for them. 

I just assume most people have a lot of fear. But you're saying a “high-achiever,” you've noticed in general, has even more fear than the average person?

Yes. Because in a way, if you're someone who can apply themselves to anything, how do you know what to apply to? 

You know what I mean? How do you know what success is to you, versus what's just the next milestone in the career that you fell into?

I find that a lot of people get onto their career path by default, not by design. So often what happens is, unless you're going to be like a doctor or a lawyer or something very specific, where you’re intentionally going to a very specific school to do this very specific thing, it’s hard to know what to do.

You take the first thing that falls in your lap or you take something at a company that you know someone at. 

Like, it's not an intentional process and it can be really hard for people to look up around them and think about whether it's actually what they want. 

Tell me about the clients you typically work with. 

Most of my clients are late twenties to mid thirties or so, who are kind of grappling with this question of: I’ve had some work and life experience so far. But now I'm starting to think about kids. I'm starting to think about getting married. I'm starting to think about what my life will be like beyond my short term lease in the East Village. You know what I mean?

It's like, you're thinking long-term about lots of other areas of your life and you're realizing that your career hasn't caught up with that thinking yet. And then once it does, that's when a little panic sets in.

It makes you zoom out a little bit and be like, so where does that leave me? I can't imagine myself doing this for much longer, let alone forever. So what do I want?

That’s what I see a lot. 

For anyone who is struggling with burnout right now and doesn't know what to do, what would you suggest? 

I personally found this extremely daunting at first, but ultimately very helpful. But I would advise really giving yourself the space, with just you and a piece of paper and a pencil. And first of all, not judging what you’re writing. Just think of it as word vomit. 

But get clear on all the things that are not feeling right about where you are. Whether that’s the people, or the process, or the environment, or the type of work that you’re doing. 

And I find it helpful to think: which parts of these do I have control over? 

There’s something about writing it down on paper that can actually help us see. Like, maybe that’s something I don’t need to be doing. Or maybe that’s something I could talk to my boss about. Versus things that are fundamental to the work you’re doing. 

That’s a different story that calls for further reflection of actually making some kind of a pivot. But even just getting it out there on paper, in as much detail as humanly possible, to the point where you have literally nothing else to write, can help. 

And then answer: are there any steps I can take that will help me be in a better situation? Even if you don’t know, just coming up with some potential options is a good starting point. And frankly something I wish that I did. To just let myself come up for air. 

On a final note, it seems like getting this long-term clarity is so hard without a coach. I mean, I’ve had multiple coaches throughout my career, and I’ve been so happy I did it. But it’s not cheap. It’s an investment, and I’m lucky I could do it.

It's a really interesting point. It’s actually affecting how I think about structuring my program right now. I’m thinking, how can I still do one-on- one coaching, but also make it more accessible to people who might be able to invest in themselves in this way? I mean, I think it's well worth every penny. Especially if I think about the coaching I've had in my career.

Thank you so much for joining us, Elizabeth. How can people contact you if they’re interested in connecting with you?

You can book time on my calendar, or I also have a workbook called “WTF Do I Want to Do With My Life? A Workbook for Unfulfilled Overachievers,” which you can download for free. 

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Thanks for reading, everyone!

I’m so curious — have you dealt with burnout? Career misalignment? I’d love to hear your thoughts — comment below, and stay tuned for the reflection piece!