Having the Courage to Change

When I first started my newsletter, I did it mainly to make myself feel better. As someone who’s identified as a “high achiever” for her whole life, I was going through a difficult period at the time, and felt very isolated in doing so, like it was the opposite of my entire self-image to struggle. I rarely saw anyone I admired being open about their challenges or setbacks.

Most stories, I find, that cover the challenges of successful people are either shared too far past the difficult events — so there may be some amnesia about how hard things really were at the time — or otherwise gloss over the actual hard details of how they survived their hardships. Take the example of many famous entrepreneurs who might’ve failed at their first — or second, or even third, fourth, and fifth — initial ventures, lost it all, slept on couches, then remade themselves in the fire to become blockbuster billionaires with their next idea. By simplifying experiences so much, it’s like the made-for-TV version of what success is supposed to look like. See below: (credit to ATI):

But in this depiction of events, we never see the really hard moments and, realistically, how they made it through these tough times. Any high achiever is going to struggle with feelings of comparison. I wanted to know — who exactly did these people compare themselves to when they were at the bottom? When they couldn’t pay their rent, how, tactically, did they make ends meet? What did their parents and friends say? Were they scared to tell people what happened? What surprised them the most about how things unfolded?

That’s what I set out to do in my newsletter. To cover the hard parts of people’s journeys, in greater depth and clarity than what we’re used to seeing. To really dig into the good and bad parts of facing challenges, and most importantly, to provide comfort to people who are going through a low point themselves, who feel shame and isolation in their experience.

However.

While doing this newsletter, and very likely, because of it — life started to look up for me. I started to make it through the other side of my own setbacks. That’s not to say they’re a one and done thing — I am sure I will have more — but the act of doing this project was a healing one for me. In some sense, I may have fulfilled my original mission, which is an amazing feeling.

But now, I am at a crossroads.

On one hand, the idea of stopping the newsletter, or switching direction at all, is nauseating. Changing is hard, especially for something I’ve enjoyed doing, and that has given me a sense of purpose.

On the other hand, on a personal level, I recently started a grad school program, alongside work. I am diving into both fully.

As much as I wish I could do everything at once — to write, learn, do school, exercise regularly, cook, see friends, be a good family member, have some time for myself, and take some time off occasionally — I’ve finally learned it’s impossible to do everything at once. In my earlier years, I would just keep going, instead of being realistic about my time and energy. But alas, now that I have turned 30, I am seeing things more soberly.

When I first created my account, I purposefully made my Substack page “Annaraskind.substack.com” instead of “Celebrating Setbacks” because I knew my purpose might change someday. And now, I feel I am at that point. For now, I’ll be taking a break to find out what’s next, and figure out what type of writing outlet and routine works for me. As much as I would love to publish on a consistent schedule, I know, at this point in my life, it is hard for me to do so.

I hope that the next evolution of my writing is something that hopefully continues to provide value to you. In the meantime, if I have any writing published in other publications, I will share them here so you all can continue to read if you’d like.

I have to tell myself that, in the spirit of this newsletter, it’s not a failure to change — that it can actually be a courageous thing to do so. And the fact I can even see that perspective is an accomplishment to me.

For those of you who’ve been on this journey with me thus far, thank you so much, truly, for reading. I promise I will share more when I’ve had time to decide what’s next. And in the meantime, I am excited to see what lies ahead — for all of us!

Anna